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Joke of the day

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Back to humor.


benjamins    (2010-08-28)
Joke of the day


An old man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000?!"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000... Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?'
"Nah," says the little old man... "Costs too much!"





Atlanta website design | Atlanta web designer


allivera    (2010-12-21 08:35:40)
Joke of the day

:D That's a good one


johnbrinkman    (2011-01-04 18:00:19)
7 years ago

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious ... Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that ... there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

__________

THHN Wire


robert92    (2011-01-05 22:49:53)
7 years ago

A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"

__________

Bankruptcy Lawyer Arlington TX


goergebaker    (2011-01-12 06:41:30)
7 years ago

good jokes....

Santa was travelling in train. A woman sat on his son's birth and didn't get up..
Santa shouted: "THIS LADY IS NOT GIVING BIRTH TO MY CHILD"..

__________

corporate housing los angeles


kevinherman    (2011-01-13 16:51:32)
7 years ago

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

__________

Heating Pad


denny    (2011-01-17 07:05:10)
Joke of the day

A MAN WITH A GUN GOES IN TO A BANK & DEMANDS MONEY.


HE TURNS TO A CUSTOMER & ASKS DID U SEE ME ROBBING THIS BANK?


THE MAN REPLIED :YES I DID"


THE ROBBER KILLS HIM INSTANTLY.


HE THEN TURNS TO A COUPLE STANDING NEXT TO HIM & ASKS THE MAN:


DID U SEE ROBBING THIS BANK?


THE MAN REPLIES "NO I DID NOT, BUT MY WIFE DID.....

__________

plumber dallas


dino1    (2011-01-18 06:19:14)
7 years ago

Sardar's theory: Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

__________

rehab oregon


claireallen    (2011-01-18 20:35:20)
7 years ago

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple.

One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.

He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint.

It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.

That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.

The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"

A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!"

__________

Denver Locksmiths


jackmolen    (2011-01-19 05:44:29)
7 years ago

Never Mess with Children

a class teacher of primary; one day brought a camera along with her to have some group photos of the children. One student asked "Mam why did you brought that camera?"the teacher exclaimed "to have our some group photos, so that, and when you people grown up these photos will make you to recall your childhood, and you will show it to your friends or relatives that see this is Martin he is now a Lawer and this is Rick he is a doctor now and this is Maria and she is a Journalist now”, certainly a voice came forward from the back and "this is our class teacher she is dead now."

__________

Church Fundraiser


rodneysmith    (2011-01-21 20:52:25)
7 years ago

A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
A husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

__________

Buy New Cars


devinclark    (2011-01-25 17:02:56)
Joke of the day

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter
from his mother asking him to send her a current photo
of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let
her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a
photo in half and sends her the top part.
Later he receives another letter asking him to send a
picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture
in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
photo.
He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the
wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's
eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.  A few weeks
later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it
makes your nose look short!"

__________

Nursing Homes Redding CA


justinperillo    (2011-01-27 18:48:58)
7 years ago

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."

The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"

The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."

__________

Dentist South Philadelphia


collinsleeper    (2011-01-31 17:29:18)
7 years ago

The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

__________

New York Water Damage


jonreid    (2011-02-01 22:43:32)
7 years ago

The Top 10 Things To Check The Salad Bar Before You Load Your Plate Up

  1. Anything that's moving.

  2. Green Carrots.

  3. Moldy Croutons.

  4. Body parts.

  5. Blood in the French Dressing.

  6. A cucumber slice with a bite out of it.

  7. I've seen the movie...they could be there so watch out for Killer Tomatoes!!!

  8. Lettuce that closely resembles Astroturf.

  9. How should I put this...let's just that the sneeze guard didn't do its job and there's something phlegm related in the radishes.

  10. The body of Harold, the dim-witted drive thru clerk who kept messing up orders, under the ice on the bar.

__________

Dentist San Jose


bradford23    (2011-02-03 22:24:39)
7 years ago

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?

Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?

Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?

Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

__________

Commercial Solar Installer


jaycolbert    (2011-02-07 18:21:27)
Joke of the day

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage.

They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home.

The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

__________

Mens Briefcase


jakekane    (2011-02-09 19:56:42)
7 years ago

In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding in the Lorestan province, accidentally killing six people and wounding fourteen of them.

I think I'll stick to the tradition of throwing rice--it seems much less dangerous.

__________

Bay Area Kids Fitness


peterhobson    (2011-02-10 19:48:31)
7 years ago

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

__________

Mercedes Benz Repair Los Angeles


danielvictor    (2011-02-14 06:51:34)
7 years ago

Clever Prisoner and the prison guard

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some flowers in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”


A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:“Dear Husband, You wouldn’t believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the entire back garden.”

The prisoner wrote another letter back: “Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the flower.”

__________

equipment rental Los Angeles


terrymoke    (2011-02-15 06:53:36)
7 years ago

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

__________

Personal Injury Attorney Portland


derrick51    (2011-02-15 19:04:23)
Joke of the day

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second.

Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?

God: Like one penny.

Mortal: Can I have a penny?

God: Just a second.

__________

Circuit Breakers


alex1    (2011-02-17 06:46:46)
7 years ago

Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls? Both don exist.

__________

Seattle Electrician


charlesalen1    (2011-02-18 06:29:41)
7 years ago

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

__________

house cleaning services


sunnygray    (2011-02-19 06:12:55)
7 years ago

A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who'll predict her future:

- Lady, I'm sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.
- Don't tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!

__________

party rentals


samjordan9    (2011-02-21 13:54:29)
7 years ago

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

__________

Penny stocks


justintuck    (2011-02-22 16:22:55)
Joke of the day

Goebel's Second Law Of Useless Difficulty: The fastest way to get something done is to determine that it isn't worth doing.

Goebel's Law Of Computer Support: Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex through a hole in a board fence. It can be done, but it is neither easy nor pleasant.

Goebel's Law Of Software Compatibility: A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.

Goebel's Theorem Of Software Schedules: Always multiply a software schedule by pi. This is because you think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full circle.

Goebel's Law Of Product Introductions: A future product release date does not say when a product will be introduced. All it says it that you don't have a chance of seeing it before that time.

Goebel's Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.

Goebel's Law Of Intellectual Obscurity: What fun is it to be an expert if you make yourself easy to understand?

__________

Pelican Case


chrisbosh    (2011-02-23 23:03:04)
7 years ago

Hahaha. Last one was funny.

__________

Virtual Office Space


danlesage    (2011-02-24 21:11:20)
7 years ago

What lights up a football stadium?
A football match!

If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls?
Cornflakes!

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
Because there is no atmosphere!

Where do spiders play their FA Cup final?
Webley stadium!

When fish play football, who is the captain?
The team's kipper!

Ref: I'm sending you off
Player: What for?
Ref: The rest of the match!

Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market?
They tend to go cheep!

What is a goal keepers favourite snack?
Beans on post!

__________

Dallas Inspections


mathewsam1    (2011-02-25 06:38:37)
7 years ago

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

__________

designer jeans


mickeysmith1    (2011-02-26 06:16:05)
7 years ago

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji: Sir I am PhD.
Interviewer: what do u mean by PhD?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

__________

Day Spa Services Orlando


kenjoye    (2011-02-26 21:32:42)
Joke of the day

Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
Excellence can be attained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.

__________

Diamond engagement rings


adamjohn    (2011-03-01 07:35:53)
7 years ago

A little boy asks his father,
“Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
& the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”


tinygallon    (2011-03-01 21:11:18)
7 years ago

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

__________

Fertility Clinic


russell62    (2011-03-03 19:10:46)
7 years ago

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy.

He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

__________

NetApp Training Courses


anderson25    (2011-03-05 18:59:01)
7 years ago

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

__________

Luxury Swiss Watches


kevin53    (2011-03-08 17:31:13)
Joke of the day

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.

Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.

The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

__________

Homes for Sale Utah


martin26    (2011-03-09 22:58:38)
7 years ago

She was so blonde...

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'.

She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.

__________

Cheap Shoes


kenpark1    (2011-03-15 08:19:48)
7 years ago

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?
An American.

__________

Concrete Cutting Los Angeles


meddyadam    (2011-03-16 06:03:39)
7 years ago

"President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said ‘It’s just springtime.’"

__________

Building Demolition


davidsam1    (2011-03-17 06:33:57)
7 years ago

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

__________

Rubbish Bins


bobhank1    (2011-03-18 08:45:35)
Joke of the day

A guy walks into a bar. He says to the bartender "I'd like a Whiskey Sour." The bartender replies "How do you make that?" The guy says "You put in whiskey to make it strong, water to make it weak, lemon to make it sour and sugar to make it sweat. You mix it all together and you say 'Here's to you' and then you drink it yourself." The bartender says "That's not a drink! That's a contradiction!"

__________

Golf Courses


jojotaylor    (2011-03-21 13:02:57)
7 years ago

A pig fell in luv with a chicken.Chicken kissed pig's hand. Nxt day, pig died of bird flu & chicken died of swine flu..
AJAB PREM KI GHAZAB KAHANI ..:-P


mictom    (2011-03-25 07:42:02)
7 years ago

A guy walks into a bar. He's ordering some drinks when he notices that there are two large pieces of meat stuck to the ceiling. So he asks the barman why they're there. The barman says, "Well, it's part of a little game I have going here. You've got to try and get those down from the ceiling without using a chair or a pool cue or anything else. If you manage, I'll give you $200. But if you try it and you don't succeed, you've gotta give me $200."

So the guy eyes up the ceiling for a while, and eventually turns back to the barman and says, "No, I'm not going to try it." Of course, the barman says, "Why not? Look it's easy, all you've gotta do is get them down off the ceiling." And the guy shakes his head and says, "No, no, I can't do it. The steaks are too high."

__________

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nilson    (2011-04-28 07:24:00)
7 years ago

Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright. Thank you so much......>>> PHILIPS TUBELIGHT!!

__________

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dtrump    (2011-05-12 08:36:16)
7 years ago

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

__________

Pool service Orlando


suniljeans    (2011-05-23 13:17:39)
Joke of the day

Teacher : Which is more important to us,

the sun or the moon?

Boy: Moon…

Teacher : Why?

Boy : The moon gives us light to see the

couples sitting on the bench dating

but the sun gives us light when no one is dating.

__________

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michlejohn    (2011-05-30 19:12:13)
7 years ago

The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."
The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

__________

bullet proof vest


davidberman    (2011-06-17 08:20:40)
7 years ago

Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.

__________

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sunilsamuel    (2011-07-04 18:29:11)
7 years ago

Wooden Leg


Harry was sensitive about his wooden leg and afraid no woman would
have him. He was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted
his proposal of marriage. He couldn't bring himself to tell his
fiancée about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when
she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he
kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which
she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple was at last
alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a
big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his
wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that is a surprise. But pass me the
Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

__________

Gilet pare balles


markfisher    (2011-07-05 23:15:57)
7 years ago

wooow woooow what a page this is i think this is the best page of this forum because it removed all the tiredness of work

__________

Cartridge Dust Collectors


davidsnow    (2011-07-07 19:05:52)
Joke

nice after reading this page you feel quite comfort this is the most interesting thing in this forum for relax yourself.

__________

game wheel |


anhlam    (2011-07-08 11:45:45)
7 years ago

Newtons Universal Law Of Love:
Every boy on earth is attracted towards a girl
with a force directly proportional to the figure of the girl
and
Inversely proportional to strength of her brother..!!

__________

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rickyponting    (2011-07-11 07:36:56)
7 years ago

Did You Know . . .?
That
"HEELS" Are Man's Invention
To Make It Harder For A
Woman To Run Away.

__________

Battery Powered Led Christmas Lights


sunilsamuel    (2011-07-11 20:56:58)
7 years ago

"The Duck Joke"
There were 3 ducks who went to Court, The Judge says to the first duck, Whats your name and why are you hear.
The duck says my name is Quack, Judge says why are you hear. The duck says , I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond. Judge says 6 months.
Next duck, What's your name, second duck says my name is Quack Quack, why are you hear. I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond too, Judge says 6 months.
The third duck goes to the judge, The judge says to him , Don't tell me your name is Quack, Quack, Quack, The duck say's no I am Bubbles! lol

__________

Gilet pare balles


dernbach    (2011-07-14 22:02:13)
7 years ago

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."
TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"

__________

IT Consultants


markbevis    (2011-07-18 09:03:05)
Joke of the day

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

__________

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muttelkiln    (2011-07-19 07:07:14)
7 years ago

In a Party A Handsome guy askd a gal,"r u going 2 dance?"
She felt so happy & said-"yes"
& d guy said-"dats gud, so can i hav ur chair?" :D

__________

Delivery Company Salt Lake City


sunilsamuel    (2011-07-20 17:05:36)
7 years ago

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

__________

Gilet pare balles


jordanreed    (2011-07-21 13:13:41)
6 years ago

1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?
2nd Man: Octemb ruary
1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month
2nd Man: Exactly

__________

Short Sleeve T-Shirts


carterpeter    (2011-07-21 18:50:35)
6 years ago

there was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "doctor I have a fever" the doctor said "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine" the sick one said " but doctor, i only have 3 spoons what shall i do?"

__________

RV Carport Cover


howardauston    (2011-07-22 09:57:44)
Joke of the day

Life is Short, Live it!
Love is Small, Flirt it!
Troubles are Momentary, Face it!
Memories are Sweet, Cherish it!
I'm too Good, Accept it!

__________

Merchant Funding


abepollin    (2011-07-22 19:07:18)
6 years ago

Some daughters in law r well trained n well mannerd.They dont cum change family, they r there join d family.A new wife was being welcomed at d husbands home in a traditional manner.she gav a speechMy dear family, I thank u welcoming me in my new home n family, she said Firstly, my being here does nt mean that I would want change ur way of life, or routine.No. I will never do that in a million yrs.Father in lawWot do u mean child?Girl What I mean is, those who used do d dishes must carry on washing them, those who did the laundry must continue doing it.Those who cook shuldnt stop at my account,&those who clean must carry on cleaning.Mother in lawThn wht r u here for?Girl oh for me, my job is to entertain ur son.

__________

legal steroids


idasaxton    (2011-07-25 06:54:46)
6 years ago

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly
departed...

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

__________

Divorce Attorney New Jersey


sebastianlee1    (2011-07-25 07:18:35)
6 years ago

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush

__________

Assisted living


richardspiegel    (2011-07-25 13:29:22)
6 years ago

Daddy, how was I born ? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared. And that's the story.

__________

septic additives


sunilsamuel    (2011-07-28 18:30:32)
Joke of the day

man: is there any way for long life
dr: get married
man: will it help
dr: no but the thoughts of long life will not cum

__________

Gilet pare balles


cmartin    (2011-08-01 09:05:43)
6 years ago

I hate blackout. Never mind the aircon, never mind TV and stereo, never mind the internet. But if I could not recharge my cell phone so I could keep texting, that's another point. I hate blackout.

__________

Carpet Cleaning Chicago


johnbrendon7    (2011-08-11 09:24:05)
6 years ago

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

__________

patent lawyer


sunilsamuel    (2011-08-16 14:23:17)
6 years ago

A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows. The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it. At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted. A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it

There are three morals to this story:

1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy

2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend

3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut

__________

Gilet pare balles


montgomery    (2011-08-17 08:28:51)
6 years ago

Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, "third time's a charm" and brought her two eggs -- one scrambled and one poached."Here, my love, enjoy!" Jill looks at the plate and says, "You scrambled the wrong egg."
One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp."

__________

garden fountains


danielaustin    (2011-08-19 09:01:39)
Joke of the day

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

old man

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.

__________

France Equestrian Tours


hariscriss    (2011-08-19 09:25:48)
6 years ago

One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"

__________

hvac alexandria va


jamesphilbert    (2011-08-22 08:20:37)
6 years ago

Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define
the conditions."

Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.
"With that she sat down red-faced. Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have
a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

__________

remodeling Scottsdale


frankmiller    (2011-08-24 08:29:48)
6 years ago

The message you are replying to:
Posted By: saadhome on 01-21-2011 11:12 AM
Subject: Funny Joke
Message: 3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?"

__________

frameless shower door


sunilsamuel    (2011-08-25 17:18:40)
6 years ago

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"

Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."

__________

Gilet pare balles


sunilsamuel    (2011-09-06 20:22:27)
Joke of the day

The druggist asks "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?".

The lady replies "I want to kill my husband."

"I can't sell you any for that reason" says the druggist.

The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a women in a compromising position - the man is her husband and the lady is the druggist's wife - and shows it to the druggist.

He looks at the photo and says... "Oh I didn't know you had a prescription!"

__________

Gilet pare balles


jameswright    (2011-09-12 12:33:52)
6 years ago

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

__________

Best Credit Cards


chrisramirez    (2011-09-13 08:13:47)
6 years ago

The shipwrecked mariner had spent a number of years on a deserted island somewhere in South America.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.

When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."

__________

custom signs los angeles


shanelouis    (2011-09-14 13:09:19)
6 years ago

Donna arrived home from work early one day and found her husband, Glen, in bed with another woman. "That's it!" she shouted, "I'm leaving and I'm not coming back!"

"Wait honey," Glen pleaded, "Can't you at least let me explain?"

"Fine, let's hear your story," Donna replied.

"Well, I was driving home when I saw this poor young lady sitting at the side of the road, barefoot, torn clothes, covered in mud and sobbing," explained Glen.

__________

Blog.FirstCredit.net - A Blog about Personal Finance News


sunilsamuel    (2011-09-20 16:07:27)
6 years ago

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A.A dog is always happy to see you
B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

__________

Gilet pare balles


aswann    (2011-09-20 17:15:20)
Joke of the day

Whats the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?
A drunk driver will go right through a stop sign while a stoned driver will sit at it and wait for it to turn green.

__________

Home Loan Modification


michaelperkins    (2011-10-04 06:55:30)
6 years ago

A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

"How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

__________

Naplex Review


sunilsamuel    (2011-10-04 17:03:11)
6 years ago

Donald Trump: Friar's Club Roast

On October 15, 2004, shortly before his wedding to model Melania Knauss, Donald Trump was roasted at the Friar's Club's 100th anniversary bash in New York City. Regis Philbin led a panel of friends in razzing the Donald, among them comedian Susie Essman. "I know what Melania sees in you," she joked. "A billion dollars and high cholesterol!"

__________

Gilet pare balles


sunilsamuel    (2011-10-10 21:41:53)
6 years ago

A man is passing with his donkey from the front of police station, one cop laughed and said to man that where are you going with your brother then man replied that sir he is insisting to get job in police and i am saving him taking to home.

__________

Gilet pare balles


sunilsamuel    (2011-10-17 21:02:32)
6 years ago

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!, This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Moral of the story:
Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

__________

Gilet pare balles


mikepollarad    (2011-10-20 15:36:17)
Joke of the day

there was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "doctor I have a fever" the doctor said "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine" the sick one said " but doctor, i only have 3 spoons what shall i do?"

__________

dance studio Houston


davidc    (2011-10-27 08:49:53)
6 years ago

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed
as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted,
and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give
him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

__________

Muscle Pain San Diego


michaelfixler    (2011-10-28 13:46:53)
6 years ago

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

__________

euthanasia phoenix


johnrussel    (2011-10-29 09:18:58)
6 years ago

A Poetry Competition asked For A 2-Line
Rhyme With d Most Romantic 1st Line &
the Least Romantic 2nd Line
There's d Winning Rhymes
My darling, My Love, My Beautiful Wife
Marrying U Ruined, My Whole Life
I c Ur Face When I m Dreaming
That's Why I Always Wake Up Screaming
Kind Intelligent, Loving & Hot
This Describes Everything You r Not
I Love Ur Smile, Ur Face & Ur Eyes
Damn, I'm V Good At Telling Lies

__________

Bail Bonds Los Angeles


dojiecastro    (2011-11-01 05:30:55)
6 years ago

Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade'                                                         
'Don't panic, I'm coming immediately, have you done anything yet?'
'Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor.'

__________

tint los angeles


jackallen    (2011-11-14 06:27:35)
Joke of the day

A wife asked her husband to describe her.

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'.

She said, 'What does that mean?'

He said, 'Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?'

He said, ' I'm Just Kidding'

__________

chimney Nassau


willsmith1    (2011-11-15 10:56:38)
6 years ago

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

__________

salmon fishing Washington


ashworth181    (2011-11-15 13:10:08)
6 years ago

“When a man holds a woman hands?”

When a man holds a woman’s hand
before marriage, it is love;

after marriage it is self-defense

__________

Tattoo Ink


frederick1    (2011-11-29 07:59:07)
6 years ago

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

__________

boats for sale


mykelwade    (2011-11-29 10:29:53)
6 years ago

Donations
A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money.

She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps.

The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps.

The blonde throws up her money, and yells,"God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep."

__________

Big Bear Cabin Rentals


martink    (2011-11-30 08:45:24)
Joke of the day

Two Sweet Gujaratis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

First Gujarati: What's big in going to the moon, anybody can go there. We are Gujaratis. We will go direct to the sun.

Second Gujrati: But sun is too hot, it will melt us.

First Gujarati: So what, we will go at night.

__________

Cargo Bar


draybell    (2011-11-30 12:24:38)
6 years ago

0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

__________

Dental Insurance


actonbert    (2011-12-02 12:13:35)
6 years ago

A man, has some tests done. And he asked the doctor whants wrong? The doctor says you have leg cancer. Then he says I have some good news and some bad news. The paitent says, alright what's the bad news. The doctor says I have to amputate your leg. The paitent askes, what is the good news? The guy in the bed beside you has an offer on your slippers. LMAO

__________

vinyl banners new york


kevinlouth    (2011-12-07 07:11:16)
6 years ago

As per research
A man speaks 25,000 words daily
&
A woman speaks 30,000
Problem starts when husband comes home
from office after consuming his 25,000 words
&
wife starts her 30,000..

__________

los angeles wedding bands


lukewilson    (2011-12-08 06:53:31)
6 years ago

I saw you yesterday on the road.
Such beautiful eyes,
walking gracefully down the road,
and I started to sing;

__________

data logger


jameslogan    (2011-12-08 10:31:26)
Joke of the day

Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

__________

portable saunas


marklorry    (2011-12-09 12:49:21)
6 years ago

Customer to waiter: Everyday you charge me money for a cup of coffee. How wonderful it would be if you serve me coffee free of cost today.

Waiter: Sir, everyday you drink coffee from a filled cup. How wonderful it would be if you drink from an empty cup today !!!

__________

health insurance Temecula


adenoreid    (2012-10-25 13:15:32)
5 years ago

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......


Disney tickets


jeffreyhaddon    (2012-11-01 10:34:31)
5 years ago

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

__________

glass doors


caio    (2012-11-13 05:53:43)
5 years ago

Why it's better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

__________

Legal Recovery Law Offices


lucasdias    (2012-11-14 07:14:47)
Joke of the day

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

__________

Optometrist Sherman Oaks


anguslaw    (2012-11-15 13:06:00)
5 years ago

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.

Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.

He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter.

But the hospital was in a real hurry to
get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."

The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and asked with some trepidation, "Well, bro, what did you name them?"

Whereupon, his brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."

The husband, relieved, said, "That's a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?"

The brother winked and replied, "Denephew."

__________

Telecommunications in Africa


dirkbosch    (2012-11-19 08:46:15)
5 years ago

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ohh no, My husband just walked in the door."

__________

plant maintenance Los Angeles


jackrule    (2013-01-18 12:01:01)
Moth Inspector Joke

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.

He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells.

The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."

"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"

He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"

__________

medical billing nyc


santiago    (2013-03-28 12:18:15)
5 years ago

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

__________

Cheap Rack Cards Printing


disneyticket    (2013-05-08 12:54:27)
Joke of the day

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

__________

Sea world tickets


blackberryapp    (2013-09-16 09:21:48)
4 years ago

FACT about GOOGLE:
“50% of the people use it well.. as a search
engine .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The other 50% of the people use it to check if their
internet is connected or not.


developmyapps    (2013-10-04 09:26:33)
4 years ago

Jane: Why are you crying?
Tarzan: The elephant is dead.
Jane:Was he your pet?
Tarzan:No, but i am the one who must dig his grave!


claudine75    (2018-02-07 11:47:15)
5 months ago

This blog provides readers with a greater understanding of the current issues in Canadian healthcare. Thank you for the interesting read.
consultation voyance gratuite en ligne


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