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*pazise    (2010-05-31)
Best jokes


Hello,

What are the best jokes you ever read or heard?  I would like to gather the best jokes. Do you know a website where one can find jokes in different categories and rated by the readers?  Do you know if all jokes are free or if some can be protected by copyright?  How is it possible to distinguish jokes that are protected?

Thank you.



(more options below)

nelson    (2011-01-21 11:07:17)
Best jokes

An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have? Sweeper: I have the job.

__________

Chicago injury lawyer


jhonny2    (2011-02-21 06:33:46)
6 years ago

Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?"

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question."

Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?"

Son: "Who threw the blackboard duster at the teacher?”

__________

short sale realtor


jesseadam1    (2011-02-23 06:20:06)
6 years ago

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

__________

Arizona foreclosures


tonymike1    (2011-02-24 06:49:49)
6 years ago

"Why do you take baths in milk?"
"I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

__________

Cleveland car accident


andywatson1    (2011-02-28 06:23:27)
6 years ago

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....
However, the girl's father does not like him and want them to stop their relationship...... And so.. The boy wrote this letter to the girl.. He knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter..

1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."


So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to the girl, the boy told the girl to " READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning-only to read 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 (Odd No.'s) go read it once again but the Odd Number
Lines ....

__________

recording studios nyc


johnharris    (2011-04-11 12:28:56)
Best jokes

An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

__________

Painters Los Angeles


dbone    (2011-05-16 11:25:55)
6 years ago

This guy goes into a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Oh, Mr. Jones! We have the results of your test. Do you want the bad news first or the very bad news?" The guy shrugs and says, "Well I guess I'll have the bad news first." "Well the bad news is, you have 24 hours to live," the doctor replies. The man is distraught, "24 hours to live? That's horrible! What could be worse than that? What's the VERY bad news?" The doctor folds his hands and sighs, "The very bad news is...I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."

__________

bird food


carinp    (2011-05-25 19:45:28)
6 years ago

cool jokes, loved the one about engineers :D


yeoman    (2011-06-10 14:17:48)
6 years ago

A young girl after her honeymoon
came fully exhausted and tired,

When her friends asked her what happened?

She replied :
When this 70 year old bastard told me
he has saved a lot from last 50 years,

"I thought It was MONEY"

__________

Catering Portland


aldrich    (2011-06-15 07:18:17)
6 years ago

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill!" She ignores the remark.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

__________

Portland personal injury attorney


aldrich    (2011-06-15 07:19:48)
Best jokes

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

__________

Portland personal injury attorney


sunilsamuel    (2011-06-17 19:15:38)
6 years ago

George was a bad loser. When he was cleaned out in a poker game for
very high stakes, he slapped his hand on the table and got up to
leave. As he walked past, he couldn't resist insulting Max McTavish,
the bald man who had cleaned him out.
As George walked past, he ran a hand over Max's bald head and said
sarcastically, "Your head feels just like my wife's arse."
Max put a hand to his head and said, "By crikey, mate. You're right.
It does!"

__________

Sunil Samuel


rwilson    (2011-06-20 13:17:23)
6 years ago

Pay My Regards To Ur Father
Who Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,
What A Stamina He Has Got..
I Salute Ur Father:p

__________

Bioidentical Hormones Los Angeles


sunilsamuel    (2011-06-24 18:50:14)
6 years ago

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the
crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally
gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and
my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal
and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided
bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his
honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal
a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the
CRATE!"

__________

Sunil Samuel


johnclayton    (2011-07-06 11:41:20)
6 years ago

A man received d phone
from emergency room of hospital

Doctor: Your wife was in a fatal car
accident & I've bad n good news.
The bad news is,
She has lost both arms n legs n
will b on a respirator d rest of her life.

Man: 0h my God, whats the good
news?

Doctor: I'm kidding, She is Dead... =P =D

__________

furnished apartments Los Angeles


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