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tdv (2006-12-22 21:38:46)
Computer quotes
Software is slowing faster than hardware is accelerating. ~Martin Reiser, quoted by Nicklaus Wirth, 1995, which spawned "Grove giveth, and Gates taketh away," author unknown, referring to CEOs of Intel and Microsoft
Some people can hack it, others can't. ~Author Unknown
The inside of a computer is as dumb as hell but it goes like mad! ~Richard Feynman
Unix was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things. ~Doug Gwyn
Unix is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity. ~Dennis Ritchie
Unix never says "please." ~Rob Pike
The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure. ~Author Unknown
Unless in communicating with it one says exactly what one means, trouble is bound to result. ~Alan Turing, about computers
What boots up must come down. ~Author Unknown
Windows is just DOS in drag. ~Author Unknown
Computers must be female. No one but the creator understands their internal logic. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you." Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. ~Author Unknown
Computers must be male. As soon as you commit to one you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the day. ~Author Unknown
DOS computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form. ~Author Unknown
Home is where you hang your @. ~Author Unknown
To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy
~Brian M. Porter, 1998
I wish life had an Undo function. ~Author Unknown
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it. ~Author Unknown
In the old days, people robbed stagecoaches and knocked off armored trucks. Now they're knocking off servers. ~Richard Power
Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers. ~Author Unknown
Macintosh - we might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end. ~Douglas Adams
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. ~Werner von Braun
Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1. ~Author Unknown
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't. ~Author Unknown
There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. ~Guy Almes
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
~Peter Rothman, 1998
Information technology and business are becoming inextricably interwoven. I don't think anybody can talk meaningfully about one without the talking about the other. ~Bill Gates
There are two major products that came out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We do not believe this to be a coincidence. ~Jeremy S. Anderson
Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down
~David Ansel, 1998
There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them! ~Richard P. Feynman
There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. ~J.H. Goldfuss
Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software. ~Author Unknown
I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. ~Dave Barry
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
~David J. Liszewski, 1998
Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. ~Author Unknown
At least my pencil never crashes! ~Author Unknown
Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. ~John F. Kennedy
RAM disk is not an installation procedure. ~Author Unknown
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. ~Author Unknown
The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec. ~Marcus Dolengo
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little. ~Eric Porterfield
Industry executives and analysts often mistakenly talk about strategy as if it were some kind of chess match. But in chess, you have just two opponents, each with identical resources, and with luck playing a minimal role. The real world is much more like a poker game, with multiple players trying to make the best of whatever hand fortune has dealt them. In our industry, Bill Gates owns the table until someone proves otherwise. ~David Moschella
Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
~Margaret Segall, 1998
The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim. ~Edsger W. Dijkstra
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers. ~Sydney J. Harris
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. ~Mitch Ratcliffe
Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? ~Author Unknown
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. ~Andy Rooney
Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it. ~Author Unknown
Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. ~Jeff Pesis
I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. ~Author Unknown
I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. ~Author Unknown
Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin. ~Robert A. Heinlein
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ~One of Murphy's Laws of Technology
If it draws blood, it's hardware. ~Author Unknown
In God we trust, all others we virus scan. ~Author Unknown
It's not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy. Computers have to become human-literate. ~Nicholas P. Negroponte
Rebooting is a wonder drug - it fixes almost everything. ~Garrett Hazel, "Help Desk Blues," 2002
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.com
Computers, huh? I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys. ~From the television show King of Queens (may not be exact wording), spoken by the character Doug Heffernan
After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy. ~John Pierce
Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top
But they are useless. They can only give you answers. ~Pablo Picasso, about computers
Computers have lots of memory but no imagination. ~Author Unknown
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998
As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws. ~Scott Adams ("Dogbert")
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. ~Scott Adams
Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ~Doug Larson
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in. ~Author Unknown
The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back. ~Author Unknown
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. ~Author Unknown
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. ~Farmer's Almanac, 1978
Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months. ~Clifford Stoll
User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." ~Dave Barry
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. ~Edsger W. Dijkstra
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. ~Joseph Campbell
Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living. ~Nicholas Negroponte
Related posts & websites :
tdv (2006-12-22 21:32:13)
Internet quotes :)
There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network. ~Guy Almes
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. ~Patrick Murray
Internet users are flocking to the Vatican's new website (so they say). It turns out though, that most visitors are there to confess after visiting the Cindy Crawford site. Now, the faithful don't have to kiss the Pope's ring - you just double click on it. ~Author Unknown
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check. ~Dan Quayle, attributed
Describing the Internet as the Network of Networks is like calling the Space Shuttle a thing that flies. ~John Lester
The Internet is the trailer park for the soul. ~Marilyn Manson
The world is poised on the cusp of an economic and cultural shift as dramatic as that of the Industrial Revolution. (OK, it doesn't take a genius, or even a politician, to figure out that big changes are afoot when we have a medium that lets someone throw up a virtual storefront on the Web and instantly gain access to the global market.) ~Steven Levy, 1997
The Internet is a shallow and unreliable electronic repository of dirty pictures, inaccurate rumors, bad spelling and worse grammar, inhabited largely by people with no demonstrable social skills. ~Author Unknown
We have technology, finally, that for the first time in human history allows people to really maintain rich connections with much larger numbers of people. ~Pierre Omidyar
America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why: you've got computer sex, you can download pornography, people are making dates with 10-year-olds. Hey, what's this? A Pepsi ad? They're ruining the integrity of the Internet! ~Jay Leno
Spending an evening on the World Wide Web is much like sitting down to a dinner of Cheetos... two hours later your fingers are yellow and you're no longer hungry, but you haven't been nourished. ~Clifford Stoll
Chances are, you now know that the marriage of the computer and the telephone is one of the century's seismic technical and economic developments. In terms of potential social and economic impact, it is often likened to the introduction of assembly-line manufacturing or to the invention of the computer itself. ~Author Unknown
It was a typical net.exercise - a screaming mob pounding on a greasy spot on the pavement, where used to lie the carcass of a dead horse. ~Author Unknown
The Internet is the most powerful magnifier of slack ever invented. ~Author Unknown
Almost overnight, the Internet's gone from a technical wonder to a business must. ~Bill Schrader
Cutting through the acronyms and argot that littered the hearing testimony, the Internet may fairly be regarded as a never-ending worldwide conversation. The government may not, through the CDA, interrupt that conversation. ~Stewart Dalzell, ruling on the constitutionality of the Communications Decency Act, 1996
The Net treats censorship as a defect and routes around it. ~John Gilmore, 1993
The Internet interprets the US Congress as system damage and routes around it. ~Jeanne DeVoto, take-off on a quote by John Gilmore
The Internet is full. Go away. ~Author Unknown
If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a "fix" of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. ~Rob Stampfli
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. ~Dave Barry
If you have a web site, it makes your small business look big. ~Natalie Sequera
The Internet is not just one thing, it's a collection of things - of numerous communications networks that all speak the same digital language. ~Jim Clark
The Internet is like alcohol in some sense. It accentuates what you would do anyway. If you want to be a loner, you can be more alone. If you want to connect, it makes it easier to connect. ~Esther Dyson
The 'Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it. ~William Gibson
No matter how well you know the rules of netiquette, you will eventually offend someone who doesn't. ~Don Rittner
There are 5,000 great people for every jerk on Usenet. But that still is a lot of jerks. Proceed with caution and eyes wide open. ~Don Rittner
[W]e're into a whole new world with the Internet, and whenever we sort of cross another plateau in our development, there are those who seek to take advantage of it. So this is a replay of things that have happened throughout our history. ~Bill Clinton
After all, it was designed to withstand nuclear war, not just the puny huffs and puffs of politicians and religious fanatics. ~Denise Caruso, about the Internet
Just as we could have rode into the sunset, along came the Internet, and it tripled the significance of the PC. ~Andy Grove
Sooner or later the Internet will become profitable. It's an old story played before by canals, railroads and automobiles. ~Paul A. Samuelson
When I took office, only high energy physicists had ever heard of what is called the World Wide Web.... Now even my cat has its own page. ~Bill Clinton, 1996
The message for business people contemplating their place in cyberspace is simple and direct: get linked or get lost. ~Vic Sussman and Kenan Pollack
I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society. ~Scott Adams
In cyberspace, the First Amendment is a local ordinance. ~John Perry Barlow
The Internet is an important cultural phenomenon, but that doesn't excuse its failure to comply with basic economic laws. The problem is that it was devised by a bunch of hippie anarchists. ~Thomas Nolle
The Internet is the world's largest library. It's just that all the books are on the floor. ~John Allen Paulos
Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant. ~Mitch Kapor, variation of a quote by Jerome Weisner (Getting an education from MIT is like taking a drink from a fire hose.)
The Internet is becoming the town square for the global village of tomorrow. ~Bill Gates
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. ~Author Unknown
National borders aren't even speed bumps on the information superhighway. ~Tim May
Nowadays, anyone who cannot speak English and is incapable of using the Internet is regarded as backward. ~Al-Waleed bin Talal
Looking at the proliferation of personal web pages on the Net, it looks like very soon everyone on Earth will have 15 megabytes of fame. ~M.G. Sriram
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. ~Author Unknown
What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a "modem" can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo. ~Dave Barry
I have an almost religious zeal - not for technology per se, but for the Internet which is for me, the nervous system of mother Earth, which I see as a living creature, linking up. ~Dan Millman
The Internet isn't free. It just has an economy that makes no sense to capitalism. ~Brad Shapcott
While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our config.sys settings. ~Dave Barry
The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. ~Andrew Brown
Internet: absolute communication, absolute isolation. ~Paul Carvel
The Internet is clearly about more than sports scores and email now. It's a place where we can conduct our democracy and get very large amounts of data to very large numbers of people. ~Frank James
Advances in computer technology and the Internet have changed the way America works, learns, and communicates. The Internet has become an integral part of America's economic, political, and social life. ~Bill Clinton
We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. ~Robert Wilensky, 1996
You can't take something off the Internet - it's like taking pee out of a pool. ~Author Unknown, 1995
Information on the Internet is subject to the same rules and regulations as conversation at a bar. ~George Lundberg
Television to brainwash us all and Internet to eliminate any last resistance. ~Paul Carvel
The Internet is based on a layered, end-to-end model that allows people at each level of the network to innovate free of any central control. By placing intelligence at the edges rather than control in the middle of the network, the Internet has created a platform for innovation. ~Vinton Cerf
Hooked on Internet? Help is a just a click away. ~Author Unknown
Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the Department of Motor Vehicles. ~Dave Barry, Dave Barry in Cyberspace
The Internet has been the most fundamental change during my lifetime and for hundreds of years. ~Rupert Murdoch
The advent of electronic mail is fostering a revival of "the familiar letter." ~Author Unknown
My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them. ~Penn Jillett
The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other. ~Dave Barry
The Internet is the first thing that humanity has built that humanity doesn't understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had. ~Eric Schmidt
The Internet is a telephone system that's gotten uppity. ~Clifford Stoll
Warning: the Internet may contain traces of nuts. ~Author Unknown
The big dispute between the government and Microsoft concerns the Internet "browser," which is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later. As you can imagine, the potential market for this service is huge, so Microsoft would like you to use its browser, and not somebody else's. ~Dave Barry, 1998
Science fiction does not remain fiction for long. And certainly not on the Internet. ~Vinton Cerf
Five years ago, we thought of the Web as a new medium, not a new economy. ~Clement Mok
The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. ~Dave Barry
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